


Brick By Brick

by obsessivemuch



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Post Season 6, Redemption, Romance, Slow Build, Willow/Xander Ficathon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-19
Updated: 2005-02-19
Packaged: 2017-10-28 15:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivemuch/pseuds/obsessivemuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander accompanies Willow to England.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brick By Brick

_A shot. A splatter of blood on her shirt. Tara falling over. Being denied the right to have her love back. Rage and resentment that Buffy could be saved while Tara could not. Power coursing through her body. Flaying Warren alive. The end of the world._

Willow woke with a gasp and a flood of hot tears, the black-and-white images seared into her brain with painful clarity. "Tara!" she murmured desperately, tasting the tears on her lips.

"Willow?" Xander said with worry, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. He fell asleep after her own exhaustion had overtaken her, but years of slaying (and sleeping with Spike in his basement) taught him to sleep lightly so the sound of her voice roused him immediately. A glimpse of her tear-stained face, and he grabbed her hand on the armrest between them. "Will?"

"She's dead."

He stiffened at the simple statement before he released her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, offering physical comfort because words would sound hollow. She silently cried into his sweater as he hummed soothingly, ignoring the puzzled glances of the passengers around them.

When the floodgates finally closed, Xander used his free hand to wave tissue at her temptingly. She accepted with a sniff, her lips curving into a watery smile as she drew away from his chest. "I bet I look horrible."

He stared at her, the blotchy red nose, the tear-streaked cheeks, the mussed red hair, the lily-white skin, and the sad green eyes still luminous from tears. "You're beautiful," he contradicted gently, brushing the hair from her face.

Somehow, she dredged up a laugh at his words, one that felt unfamiliar and foreign. She cut it off quickly, remembering the last time she had laughed, the morning Tara had –

"Penny for your thoughts?" Xander said, seeing her withdraw from him and the conversation.

"I was just wondering why you came along, Xand. You left everything, your job, your apartment, your – Anya. England is so far away from home. Why?" She leaned her head on his shoulder and waited patiently for his answer.

"Like I'd let you go off on a great adventure without me."

Responding to the light banter, Willow tilted her head slightly to gaze at him and pointed out, "You went off on a great adventure without me."

"I would never," he said, scandalized by her comment.

"Remember Jack Kerouac and your road trip across American even if you didn't get any farther than Oxnard?"

"Except for that one summer," he amended hastily. "Not that it was such a great adventure."

"Are you ever going to explain what you did at that ladies club to me? Was there really more than washing dishes involved?" Her eyes sparkled with amusement as she felt him shift uncomfortably.

"That secret will go with me to my grave," he swore solemnly.

"Come on, Xander," Willow coaxed, falling into once-familiar patterns.

"Nope, no way." He pantomimed locking his lips and tossing the key away.

"Will you at least tell me why you left in the first place?"

"Because it was hard to watch you and Oz, Will. You guys were so happy and in love, and I couldn't stand to be around it anymore." Flipping open the airline magazine, he avoided her eyes and concentrated on the page in front of him. "What movie is playing?"

Her flat tone revealed her own desire to not watch the film. "A romantic comedy."

"Well, there's always cards. We could play Go Fish," he suggested.

She studied his overly eager expression with a pang of regret. Xander had tried so hard to fall back into the teen she knew before their lives became complicated, but no matter how much he reverted back to that awkward fifteen year-old, they couldn't hide the changes they had both endured, the maturity and sense of responsibility that he exuded, the loss of her own innocence (in more ways than one), the self-confidence that had seemingly sprung up overnight for both, the weighty knowledge that came with being the Slayer's best friends. "That sounds good to me," she said quietly.

Willow let Xander drive even though he spent most of the time complaining about British drivers and the wrong side of the road. As the green countryside passed by, she stared out the window and half-listened to his disgruntlement, but she was primarily concerned about what she faced from the coven at the end of their journey. Giles hadn't exactly been forthcoming about what was in store for her, but she couldn't blame him for his actions when her own were so unforgivable. The disappointment in his eyes hurt more than Buffy and Dawn's fear and Anya's rage about the Magic Box – only Xander's calm, supportive presence at her side had kept her from falling to pieces in the wake of their friends' collective actions. She was troubled most of all by the fact that Tara's reaction would have been exactly the same as Giles's response, a disconcerting thought because she wasn't as sure that Tara would have been the rock that Xander was. A niggling thought at the back of her head made her wonder if Tara would have abandoned her again. She could chase the thought away all she liked with rationalizations and emotions yet it returned to haunt her when she was feeling lost, the way she now felt most days. Her mind relentlessly recycled footage of the last few days in her head, playing a constant loop of despair, destruction, damage, everything she felt and inflicted on the people who loved her most in the world. When she glanced at Xander, she found him sneaking quick looks in her direction, worry etched on his face as if he sensed her thoughts. It baffled her if she stopped to think about it, the way he hadn't turned on her when he could have, the way he would have turned on Buffy or Giles. But his unwavering love and support seemed to be nothing except what it was.

On the cliff, she felt all the pain and unhappiness in the world, but there were a few threads that stood out more than others. Buffy, Dawn, Giles, Anya – she felt it all, and it stood out vividly especially the fear and hurt. With Xander, there had been fear and pain at the temple – only it was on her behalf, fear that she would hurt herself, pain that he couldn't take on the burden of her grief himself. Xander was many things, but the depth of his loyalty and love still astounded her, the girl who had known him longest. He had deserted his fiancée, Buffy, Dawn to come to her side, to die with her so she wouldn't be alone because he loved her. He loved the others, she knew, but there was nothing that would keep him from her side at the end of the world, not even her own actions. Though the knowledge was gratifying, she still waited for the other shoe to drop, convinced that he might leave her the way they all did. Yet after her breakdown on the cliff, his eyes never betrayed anything except love, strength, and faith. Faith – she couldn't remember the last time it had existed without a mixture of something unpleasant and harsher.

"This is it," Xander announced suddenly. "Look, it's got the statue and everything."

Willow turned her attention to the entrance of the property. Save for the Earth goddess sculpture, it looked identical to the other driveways they had passed, a long gravel road lined with a wooden fence. "It's huge," she remarked with surprise.

"Giles said something about a constant flow of witches and witches-in-training coming through – they like to make sure there's enough room for everyone to coexist peacefully." He expertly made the turn into the driveway and took his foot off the gas pedal. "You ready for this, Will?"

"Not really," she admitted softly, staring at the picturesque scene in front of them.

"We can turn around, go find ice cream or blood pudding or whatever passes for dessert in British land."

Hearing the sincerity in his offer, she smiled at him, a quiet, strong smile. "I can't run away anymore, Xander."

"I don't know. I've always been a big fan of the running away," he joked.

Her eyes were bright with some indefinable emotion, but her voice was absolutely certain and serious. "I've hurt so many people, Buffy, Giles, Anya, you. I need to do this so there will be forgiveness one day."

"You didn't do anything that requires forgiveness from me, Willow," he pledged, squeezing her hand meaningfully.

"But I need to forgive myself." Her free hand touched his cheek gently. "You've been my rock, Alexander Harris. I don't know what I'd do without you. You saved my life on Kingman's Bluff even though I hurt you all, but now it's time to save myself. The magic is a part of who I am, and I need to learn how to use it properly. Tara would have wanted it that way," she replied, her voice wavering as she mentioned her love.

He dropped a kiss on her brow. "You're still the most amazing woman I've ever known."

"Buffy . . ."

"Is physically strong but she doesn't have half of the strength inside of you. Magic didn't give you that, Will – it was there before the magic. And if anyone can find a way to do this, it's you. I have no doubt about that."

"We should go. They're expecting me," she said shyly, hearing the truth in his voice but not quite knowing how to respond to his vote of confidence.

A young woman led them into a small sitting room off the main hall and indicated that they should wait there. Only a few minutes later, a pair of women strolled into the room with neutral expressions. The younger one held out her hand. "My name is Alicia. Welcome to the coven."  
Willow introduced herself and Xander quickly, amazed at the familiar power in the woman's aura. "Rupert Giles said that you could help me."

"We can help only if you are willing to help yourself first," the witch answered candidly, gesturing gracefully toward the settee and perching on the edge of an armchair. "The rules here are fairly simple, the basic tenets of Wicca that Mr. Giles assures me you already know even if you do not follow them." Willow blanched at the disapproving tone of voice.

"I want . . . I want to change. That's why I'm here."

The brunette studied her carefully. "I can see that you believe it to be so, but actions often speak louder than words. You will have to prove yourself, Willow, prove that you want to harness your power for good as much as we want you to. You will be a powerful weapon for the side of good if you can learn your limits and learn that what we put out into the world is often what is returned to us. But you must be aware that the first sign of using magic for a selfish purpose or to do harm will result in the expulsion of you from this sanctuary."

Willow nodded and said in a steady tone, "I understand, Alicia."

"Excellent." Warmth crept into the woman's voice. "We have a room prepared for you already. Your friend, Mr. Harris, will have to find another place to stay though. This is sacred ground, and only those versed in its customs are allowed to tread it – we only provide shelter to those who resonate with power."

"Of course," he said quickly. "Giles set me up with a place to stay nearby, an old school friend of his or something." His hand curled around Willow's protectively.

The elderly woman spoke at last from her corner. "Wait, Alicia, don't be so hasty."

"Grandmother?"

"Look at them, my child. He is the one," she replied, tilting her head toward the pair.

"The one?" Alicia asked, startled. She looked closer and from the surprise on her face, it was evident that she had not expected what she found. "You're the one who saved the world."

Xander ducked his head. "Not on purpose, I promise. I just wanted to be with Willow when the world ended."

"You're modest," the ageless woman answered. "But most of all, you are unselfish, a lesson that Miss Rosenberg needs to learn while she is here. You would give anything, even your own life for her. It radiates from you – you didn't have to leave the world you knew to bring her here. Mr. Giles would have done it happily, but you can't bear the idea of being on another continent while she goes through something so difficult. You've come to share her burden, an admirable trait, and one that we cannot ignore. We owe you a great debt for returning one who was lost, and I will not deny you the thing you won't ask for."

"But Grandmother . . ."

"Hush, Alicia. He will respect our ways though he does not have the same gifts that we do. His gift is something just as powerful and he will help her in the way that we cannot. The room next to hers is empty and will do well enough." She turned away, striding from the room as if she had never been present at all.

The trio exchanged dumbfounded looks, but Alicia was the first to rise and speak. "Come with me so I can show you the rooms that you will have."

"What about sacred traditions?" Willow inquired.

"My grandmother often sees things that normal witches and people do not. She is the head of our coven, and I always listen to her when it comes to matters of the coven. If she says the rules can be bent for you, than they will. Besides, Xander, she wasn't wrong about the debt owed or the fact that you can help Willow better here instead of in town."

Willow and Xander fell into a routine in the following days, breakfast and meditation before they separated for the day, Xander to work on repairs for the coven and Willow to rebuild the foundation of her magic knowledge. In the evening, there was dinner, walks on the grounds, and long discussions that used to characterize their late night phone calls during high school. Far from Sunnydale, they re-forged their faded connection, strengthening it into something more mature and unbreakable. While Willow shared her worries about finding the balance and limit to her magic, he told her all about his reasons for not marrying Anya. It had been a long time since they had been so open with each other, since their conversations hadn't had a secret or two to color their interactions.

And as the summer continued, the witch was finally able to talk about Tara, to describe the power she had felt in the woman's devotion, and with Xander, she found a confidant who she could pour out all her feelings about the events of the last few years. He listened as she explained the abandonment at Tara's hands even though she had never walked away from her at the worst moments, and he saw the fear that he might do the same in her eyes. His insides twisted with pain and sorrow especially when he realized just how much he had missed while he was planning the wedding. And he tried to find ways to reassure her that he would never leave even as he proved it to her by staying at her side during the most difficult period of her life. Life was simpler than it had been in six years, and they both reveled in the normalcy of the summer.

In mid-August, Alicia and her grandmother approached Willow and informed her the she was making progress quickly enough that she would be able to go back to California soon so she could help with the coming battle, one that would be the worst threat they had ever faced. Willow took the news of the pending apocalypse without much surprise, inured against that sort of news from past experience, but her own emotions to nearly being done at the coven was something far more mixed. After she told Xander, she expected him to feel the same way, but he lifted her off the ground with glee and pride. "That's awesome," he said. "I knew you could do it, Will."

She felt the same rush of pleasure at his faith, but her green eyes were dismayed when she finally met his eyes. "I don't know if I'm ready to go back," she admitted as he set her down.

"We should go out and celebrate this. We can worry about going back to Sunnydale later." Xander didn't ignore her comment, but he seemed to be focused on the most positive aspect of her news.

"Xander."

"We can talk about it once we get out of here. There's a pub that I've been dying to introduce you to. They have this suet pudding that's to die for." He tugged on her hand with undisguised eagerness.

"I can't leave. That was one of the rules, remember?"

"Willow, you've been able to leave for like a month now. Didn't Alicia and Celeste tell you that?"

"No," she answered. "Is that how you know?"

With a guilty start, he nodded his head. "Yeah, they've been trying to get me to take you elsewhere for brief periods of time so you can start adjusting to the outside world again. I haven't pushed the issue because you were doing so well here."

"So why start now?" Her question seemed surprisingly level.

"Because we will be leaving in a month and have to go back to the real world. This place, Will, it's amazing with the serenity and the peace, but Sunnydale isn't like that. We don't lead quiet lives."

She twirled a strand of copper hair around her finger. "We could though, Xander. Find a nice cottage in one of the towns here and settle down into a good, calm existence."

"You don't really mean that," he said flatly, sending her a brief intense look. "You would never abandon Buffy, Giles, Dawn, or even Anya especially knowing that there's an apocalypse coming."

"What if it's not real?"

"It's real, Willow. You and I have been around long enough to know that these things are never fake." He laid his arm across her shoulder and squeezed comfortingly.

"What if they don't want me back, Xander?" The crux of her worries were contained in the question, something Xander recognized immediately.

"Oh, Willow, they all want you back. I have letters upon letters in my room from everyone, wanting to know how you are and wanting to know when you're coming home. Buffy and Dawn miss chick flick nights, Giles wants you for research purposes because you're the best darned researcher he has, only he said it with a lot more words and a bit more British, and Anya . . ."

"Yes?" she asked, a hint of a smile playing around her mouth.

He cleared his throat apologetically. "She wants you to come home so you can help fix the Magic Box. You know An, she doesn't really mean it that way."

"I know," Willow answered, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him quickly. "Thank you for trying to make me feel better."

"Did it work? Because I can go get the letters," he offered.

"A little so don't worry about the letters. Didn't you say something about real food?" Her eyes sparkled with a happiness that he hadn't seen in ages.

Later that evening, they decided to stroll, hand-in-hand, through the small village and work off the heavenly treacle they had eaten, slipping into the movie quote game like five years hadn't passed with life-altering changes. "There is no spoon," Willow announced proudly.

He sent her a pained look. "The Matrix. Come on, Wills, that was too easy."

"It's not like I really think you saw Bridget Jones, Xander. I could stump you if I wanted."

"You've never been able to stump me before. What makes you think you're gonna start now?" he teased.

Spinning away from him, she came to rest against a wooden fence. "Put your money where your mouth is, Harris. You still haven't stumped me yet tonight."

He stared at her laughing expression and a memory teased the edge of his consciousness. "This feels familiar," he remarked quietly.

With a frown, she shook her head. "I don't know why. We haven't played the movie quote game since the night Buffy came back to town before junior year."

"Has it really been that long?" he wondered, leaning against the fence next to her and staring at the rows of corn stalks.

"Yeah, it was the night I thought you were going to kiss me," Willow confessed freely.

"I should have." His quiet admission surprised her.

"What?"

"I should have kissed you, Willow. And I shouldn't have ignored you later in favor of Buffy and Cordelia. You were always the one girl I wouldn't allow myself to fall for."

"Why?" she asked with horrified fascination.

"Because I wasn't good enough for you, Willow. You deserved someone great, someone like Tara. I knew I wasn't ever going to be worthy of you."

"Xander! If anything, it's the other way around. You've never tried to destroy the world."

"What a pair we make, huh?" he said rhetorically.

She surprised him then, leaning in to plant a soft kiss on his lips. His arms snaked around her neck, and he kissed her back in a less-gentle fashion. It wasn't the groping touches of their senior year, or at least, it wasn't all hormonal this time. There was a sense of purpose in the kiss, a blossoming emotion that had been dammed up for far too long between them. It flooded through their bodies, a surge of lust that wouldn't be stopped by nominal objections (not that there were any from either of them), but mostly what they tasted was love, purely unconditional. And when he plunged his tongue in her mouth, swirling warmth taking up residence in her stomach and began to spread across her limbs. A sudden inebriated hooting broke through their embrace and she buried her head in his shoulder, hiding from the pub patrons wandering home.

"They're gone," he finally said with clear amusement. She gazed up at him with an unfamiliar softness in her green eyes. "What was that, Willow?"

"If it wasn't clear, what kind of kissing were you and Anya doing?" she retorted.

"I mean, why were you suddenly kissing me?"

"Because you should have kissed me that night in August." The witch paused momentarily. "And because I should have kissed you before that."

"I won't argue with either of those conclusions. But I don't know what you want, Willow. I love you and I know you love me, but we've both been through a lot this last year. Tara just died, and I have – had Anya."

"I don't know either, Xander. Couldn't we just take it slow and deal with things as they come? Maybe we weren't cut out for a romantic love, but this summer has shown me that many of the things I thought were wrong. And one thing I've learned is that you keep me balanced, and you remind me that my life was more than just magic and Tara. My life encompasses so much more than those two things no matter how much I loved them both. And I would hate to have any more regrets."

In all the days of his life, nothing had prepared him for this unexpected turn of events. "Willow . . ."

"Just think about it, Xander. You don't have to make the decision right now. And whatever you do decide, I'll love you. I don't know anything else as sure as I know that."

"Okay, I'll think about it," he answered. "We should get home. It's getting late."

"Sunnydale will wait another month." A coy smile played around her mouth.

"That's not what I meant." But she scampered away toward the car with a light laugh.

In the middle of September, the couple strolled toward the Sunnydale luggage carousel with only a little unease in their stomachs. Dawn was the first to spot them, hurling herself toward the entwined pair with a squeal of glee. Buffy and Giles followed, offering hugs to them even if Giles's was more reserved than the Summers sisters. The vengeance demon hung back, studying them with eyes that had seen a thousand years of pain and misery. When she finally approached as the chattering died down, her slightly bitter smile was directed at Willow. "So you finally did get your hooks into him. All it took was a little flaying and trying to destroy the world. Congratulations."

"Anya, I'm so sorry," Willow said in a rush.

"Never mind, he's happy with you, and that's what I care about. That's the most important thing in the world to me," she said, lifting her eyes to meet his compassionate ones. "Just don't plan on marrying him any time soon."

"I don't. We both still have a lot of issues to work through and another apocalypse or two to get through."

"What was England like?" Dawn interrupted brightly.

"It's gorgeous, so peaceful," she answered. "Giles, why didn't you ever tell us that?"

The ex-Watcher looked uncomfortable when Xander pointed out, "It's also really romantic."

"Well, yes," he sputtered, unable to find the words, but no one noticed when Anya slipped her hand into his and squeezed gently.

The group collected the luggage with laughter, trading news and jokes. In so many ways, the last few months had been empty without the daily presence of Willow and Xander, yet the pair who had returned to Sunnydale had grown up a lot while they were away. The changes England wrought would make themselves known eventually, but for now it was enough that their family was complete again, that Willow was healed after her terrible ordeal, that Xander had brought the laughter back to their lives. Still, for Willow and Xander, the most important thing was that they had come home together, prepared to face the future and knowing now that it was easier to do it with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Remixed by [Alixtii](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Alixtii/pseuds/Alixtii) in [Best Friends Forever (Devon Days Remix)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8375) for Remix Redux

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Best Friends Forever (Devon Days Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8375) by [Alixtii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alixtii/pseuds/Alixtii)




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